We broke into the lock up and delved through the budget papers to bring you the changes that the politicians don’t want you to know.

(Disclosure: These changes were first announced via a press release not released on April 1 2018 and will not become law on April 1 2018)

  1. A new $1,000 levy on all politicians each time they don’t answer the actual question they have been asked. The Government believes that this levy (it is definitely not a new tax) will raise $3 million each financial year.
  2. A $5,000 levy on any politician who on camera dons a hard hat, hair net, safety goggles or high-vis vest on any construction site, industrial premise or in front of a submarine or a canoe. Through unfortunate natural attrition on active construction sites, this should also save us one MP’s salary per year.
  3. $3 billion has been allocated to a new Joint Parliamentary Committee to fight overspending and waste. The former Speaker of the House Bronwyn Bishop is required to deliver their draft recommendations via helicopter within a strict 10 year time frame.
  4. A $10 million university grant has been made to determine once and for all what metadata is.
  5. A $5 million purchase of a giant wallet to hold all the Government’s money.
  6. Wealthy taxpayers with investments in Panama or the Cayman Islands will now be able to accrue Qantas 1st Class frequent flyer points based on how much Australian tax they pay.
  7. Parliament House will now require everyone to dry and reuse their paper towels and is instituting a ‘Flush only once a week’ policy resulting in an estimated savings of $5 million over a 50 year period.
  8. Each time a politician appears on our TV screens, $500 will be deducted from their annual salary and entitlements. $4,000 if they are a former Prime Minister. This is estimated to raise $2 million over the forward estimates.
  9. All fire alarms in government buildings will only be replaced when a new Prime Minster is appointed. This is projected to occur annually and unfortunately increase costs by $0.5 million a year.
  10. All chairs will be removed from both Houses of Parliament and sold. This will raise $1 million and ensure the new stand up Parliamentary debates are faster and far more efficient.

We hope you enjoyed our in depth analysis that brought to light these 2016 Budget Secrets.

To be perfectly frank, for most of our clients the Federal Budget can be as dull as dishwater so we try to inject a little humour to make the topic a little more approachable and relevant. We’d be thrilled if you’d like to share this article.

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